Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
