i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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