i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
