for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
