Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
