being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
