I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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