I saw his package. It spoke to me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
