that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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