She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
