Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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