Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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