I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
