Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
