Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
