I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
