Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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