She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
