We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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