dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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