Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
