You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
