the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
