bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
