I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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