Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
