i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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