Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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