I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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