in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
