im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
