If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
