check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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