It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
