Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
