dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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