I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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