I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
