I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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