Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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