I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to calm my uterus...
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