the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
