super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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