wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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