My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
