he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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