I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
