Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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