ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Green mimosas i think yes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Panties = found
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
