I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
