i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
